Stumble it!Doesn’t Bedtime EVER Get Easy??
When the kids were babies, I expected to lose sleep. As they got older, I made it my mission to instill good sleep habits and a regular bedtime routine. A nice warm bath, reading a book and soothing music. I was relentlessly determined to teach them the value of a good night’s sleep. Invariably there were nights we all lost sleep. An “accident” or projectile vomiting (my son was good at this, bless his heart) I can remember hearing him call out to me and just as I arrived at his bedside…the eruption. He had quite a knack for distance and coverage. But I digress..
My kids are now soon to be 14 and soon to be 16. Granted there are electr
onic distractions in their life now that did not exist when they were younger. Laptops particularly. I LOVE my laptop but I absolutely, positively resent my teenager’s laptops. And, although they don’t watch television during the school week, if they DID watch something – the good shows begin at 9 or 10:00 (West coast time) A little late don’t you think?
According to sleep experts the sleep needs of children don’t change all the dramatically from late elementary through middle and high school. What changes is the circadian rhythm of sleep and wake, and typically as they go into puberty, their sleep and wake time shifts by as much as two hours. They simply can’t fall asleep as early as they did when they were 7 or 8 years old. High schools should really start start the day later in the morning. Dr. Judith Owens, an Associate Professor of Pediatrics at the Alpert Medical School of Brown University, who directs the Pediatric Sleep Disorders Clinic says, “The literature strongly suggests the average early to mid-adolescent needs 9 – 9.25 hours a night.” And, before you say, “my kid is one of those that doesn’t need much sleep”. Thing again. She says, “It’s a bell-shaped curve, with just 2.5% of the population needing significantly less sleep than average. The problem is that 95% of us think we’re in that 2.5%.
Here’s how it goes at my house (my soon-to-be-14yo’s bedtime is 9:30, my soon-to-be-16yo’s is 10:30)
8:30 ME: “Are your things packed and ready for tomorrow? Clean p.e. clothes? Wrestling shoes? 5 lb of potatoes for planting? (that’s for another post)
SON: “Uh huh”…(without looking up from computer) Did he hear me? Is he ignoring me? No and Yes.
9:00 ME: “Time to wrap it up. Un-plug, mosey upstairs. Don’t forget rubber bands on braces”
SON: “Just a minute” “Just a minute” “I’ll be done in Just a Minute”
9:15 ME: “You need to CLOSE THE LAPTOP”
SON: ” OK. Almost done” (he’s not doing a SCIENCE project or anything….. (most of the time)
9:20 ME: “OK that’s it..I’m taking it and the cell phone. Close it (the laptop) and put it with the cell phone next to my chair where I can see it”
SON: “OK”. Moves slowly to an upright position. Makes his way upstairs.
This is an EASY night. Sometimes I visit upstairs and peek in his room to find him under the covers with his cell phone or laptop. He’ll quickly hide it when I turn on the light. Sometimes I have to tackle him for it (the cell phone is easier to hide than the laptop)
On a more difficult night: The night before a big wrestling tournament (wherein we had to get up at 5:30 AM) I found him watching a show on this laptop (dark room, headphones) It was 9:30. I said, “Give it to me and go to sleep!” He argued, “I can’t fall asleep. I’m not tired. It’s only 9:30 on a Friday night!” I tried to appeal to his good sense… you know “You’re the athlete, You’re body is a temple”. .. Finally, I took the darn thing from him and shut the door. Enough. Logic was NOT working. I climbed into my lovely soft bed,( after all I’m getting up even earlier to make his “power” breakfast and driving an hour to get to our destination for the day). Just as I’m drifting off…I hear his door creaking open and soft tiptoes. I peek out the door and he’s gone downstairs, retrieved his cell phone ( with every capability known to man) and silently closed the door behind him. Do I go back in? Am I exhausted with this battle? Yes. Yes. Yes.
That’s just the son. I’ll save the daughter for another day’s tale. I’m too tired today. I was up late working …..on my laptop. OOPS
March 25th, 2009 at 05:47
Teen bed times are a battle – but it sounds like you are doing a great job! Don’t forget to throw open the curtains or blinds in the morning to expose your teen to bright sunlight (when this is possible). And try to keep the lights in your home dim in the evenings and at night. Light is a timing cue that plays an important role in setting your teen’s sleep/wake cycle.
March 25th, 2009 at 06:57
Two words of wisdom, from the trenches.
GIVE UP.
Teens may be better off with more sleep. But moms are better off not nagging at them, because it just breeds resentment and makes them insane (and we don’t need teenagers who are MORE insane, do we?)
I don’t complain at my high-school aged kids. If they’re bringing home As, they have it down. In a year or two, they’re going to be out of my house. Cooked. Done. Finished. Off to the world where there won’t be any mom nagging at them to go to bed.
If they’re going to crash and burn, I want it to happen on my watch.
Instead, I set a positive role model. I go to bed at 10. And stop by each room, loudly telling them I’m going to bed, and that it’s time to turn off their music or put on their headphones.
Best I can do.
March 25th, 2009 at 10:16
You are probably right if you have a home with only high-schoolers. I have a Middle-Schooler in my house also. My own opinion is that if you can instill good sleep habits (at least get them to acknowledgethat sleep is important) before they enter high school, you will have better success with them in high-school. Right around the age of 12 and 13 I noticed a shift in both my kids – my son (always the good sleeper…the one who disdained his sister’s staying up late just to stay up late) is now showing signs of “the pull”, the biological switch that makes teens stay up later and sleep later….
March 25th, 2009 at 10:20
I completely agree. That is why the use of the laptop before bed is so counter-productive. Unfortunately, that is usually the last thing teens want to do before bed…to “check-in” before sleep. Introducing that light into their eyes right before they are supposed to go to sleep actually makes it harder for them to go to sleep (not to mention the “stimulation” to the nervous system by all the interactions!!
March 25th, 2009 at 10:46
Sigh. After obsessing about my kids’ sleep issues as babies, after I got cancer I was forced to let go of many former obsessions. By the time they were teenagers I had abandoned the concept of a regular “bedtime” and they were pretty much on their own. They were responsible for their homework and activities and amount of sleep they got. I’m sure they were minus a certain amount of sleep–and I always wished school would listen to the experts and start classes later. But both of my kids survived—and turned into very responsible adults . Even though my son is in college and probably still pushes the sleep envelope, my daughter guards her sleeptime like the precious treasure that it is .