Stumble it!Cyber-bullying Update
There was an incident that occured in my community recently and I wrote a post about it for the SiliconValleyMoms blog, for whom I’m a regular contributor. I am re-posting it here in case someone missed it. I think the story is poignant and a reminder that as parents of teenagers, we need to educate ourselves and stay diligent when it comes to Internet use by our teens.
An additional update: After I posted this, I found an interview with the Paly principal, Dr. McEvoy. In it she discusses Facebook with her Student Interviewer. Notice the attitude of the student. He accuses “the administration” of posing as a student to “infiltrate” Facebook in order to “spy” on students. THIS is the very attitude of teens that makes it SO difficult for parents. Teenagers believe that Facebook is their place for “private” conversation. I can tell you from personal experience this goes to the very heart of the problem. http://voice.paly.net/view_story.php?id=6946
Here is my post:
Palo Alto: The Home of Stanford, Facebook and Cyber-bullies
Did you know that 42% of kids have been bullied while online? Did you know that 35% of kids have been threatened online? Did you know that Palo Alto is home to the most popular Social Networking site in the world, Facebook? Did you know that the Palo Alto School District DOES NOT have a cyber-bullying policy? Surprised? Me too.
How do I know about this? Because, this week, one of our own was bullied. Online. Viciously. Cruelly. I say one of “our” children because the Silicon Valley Moms blog is a group of mothers and this is one of our children. I felt sickened when I heard that a group of local high school students made a Facebook page for the exclusive purpose of humiliating and degrading a much younger student. That’s right. The big kids picking on the little kid in cyberspace. Can you imagine the humiliation?
Evidently, a small group of bored Gunn High School boys and girls got together one Friday evening and “just for fun” started a group on Facebook called, “I Hate…”. As the week-end wore on, more and more students joined the group, the comments becoming more vile and disgusting – each one feeding off the other in a “feeding frenzy”. By Monday morning, over 100 high school students, equally represented between Palo Alto High School and Gunn (2 nationally recognized schools) had joined this “I Hate” group. As far as I know, none of the bullies personally know the targeted child. They just thought it would be “fun” to laugh at and demean this kid online. The comments ranged from insulting, rude comments to actual threats of violence.
Definition: “Bully”…a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
What was the reaction of the schools involved? “Sorry…can’t do anything about it. It was done off campus.” You know what? So is plagiarism. And, what about the negative websites students make about teachers? That is almost always done “off campus” too and I’ll bet they would track down the culprits and bring them to justice ASAP. My daughter was bullied when she was younger. I took the problem to our school and they reacted immediately. It was an emotionally draining experience for all concerned. I cannot imagine NOT having an easily identifiable recourse or support from the school!
I am shocked. I live in a “progressive” area of the U.S. and we are so behind in terms of dealing with this issue. For example:
* In 2007, Arkansas added cyber-bullying to school anti-bullying policies and included provisions for school officials to take action against some off-campus activities. The law applies to electronic acts whether or not they originate on school property.
* New Jersey passed a bill that added electronic communication to the definition of bullying in school policies. While the law refers to bullying in schools, new state guidelines say school administrators “may impose consequences for acts of harassment, intimidation or bullying that occur off school grounds, such as cyber-bullying.”
* In Missouri, following the suicide of a 13-year-old-girl (allegedly the victim of an Internet hoax), Gov. Matt Blunt created an Internet Harassment Task Force. In January, it proposed a law that would make it a crime to harass someone using an electronic device – from a class A misdemeanor to a class D felony. The task force also called for state education officials to consider computer ethics and etiquette classes and suggested legislation adding harassment as a mandatory, reportable offense under current education statutes. (These are just a few of the examples I found – there are many more)
Even the Paly (Palo Alto High School) students have written about the problems they have with bullying in cyberspace. Do we need to be reminded of the damaging (sometimes) life-altering effects of bullying on a child or teenager? It is no different online except the venom gathers momentum at lightening-fast speed compared to the old days of “slam books” or harassing phone calls. The Internet is an exceptionally powerful tool and our kids need to be taught how to be good “Cyber-Citizens”. Who better to do that than parents?
Kids are often reluctant to tell parents about cyber-bullying or anything else that happens online for fear parents will only make things worse. Others feel what they do on the Internet is “private”. Nothing can be further from the truth. The Internet is a public space and needs to be treated as such.
We should talk to our kids about their online activity; specifically their use of Social Media. Does your child have a Facebook profile? Ask to see it. Check their privacy settings. Who is on their “Friends” list? How much time do they spend “Walling”? And…to my fellow Palo Alto Parents: If you have a teenager who attends either Gunn or Paly, please have your child show you their Facebook page and ask them to show you what GROUPS they belong to. Ask them if they EVER HAVE or WOULD EVER join a
“I Hate..” group. You might be surprised by the answer.
Here are some resources about cyber-bullying:
www.stopcyberbullying.org
www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov
March 2nd, 2009 at 16:32
great article…i think lot of kids use fb cos they can get away w it and why not do what everyone else does. i’m against bullies of any kind. thx for the links.
March 3rd, 2009 at 19:58
Thanks so much for bringing to light this very unrepresented issue which is facing our society today. As parents we must now teach ourselves to become very familiar with cyber tools that may seem foreign in order to continue to be the primary influences in our children’s lives. This IS our responsibility as parents, no one else will do so. It is our values and ethics that we must pass onto our children in order to continue to create a society based on respect and tolerance for all.
March 3rd, 2009 at 20:10
Cyberbullying has been a problem for a long time and it will continue to be a problem. Possibly it is facebooks responsibility to monitor this type of activity, they should have an alarm for reporting and the page should be eliminated. I think they could come up with a method of controlling this type of activity. I have teenagers and I know that one of my sons did not make good choices using the internet. We would ban sites and he would find ways to get around it. We would have his computer shut down at a certain time, but it did not matter he had other methods. The internet is not going away and what once worked does not. This needs to be an ongoing discussion between the schools and the students. Everyday I ask my son if I can be his friend on facebook, he gives me a disgusted look and I keep trying.